Billsboard 10/03/2012 – Saturday Sun

Posted on March 10, 2012


Karma Killed the Bee Gees. Robin Gibb, erstwhile Bee Gee, believes that the cancer he is currently suffering from is payback for the success of the Bee Gees. You know, like karma. This is the front page headline for The Sun today, so it goes without saying it’s a slow news day. I sincerely hope that Mr Gibb recovers from his condition, as I do any person with cancer, but come on Robin, surely we all know in our heart of hearts that karma is all myth now? You know, like luck. We do, don’t we? Well, it is. Sure, good things happen, bad things happen, but this isn’t karma, this is just general life. So Robin Gibb, you don’t have cancer because the Bee Gees were massive. There is something in the afterlife waiting for that crime.

Hulk Hogan sex tape. Seriously. So there’s news that Hulk Hogan has a sex tape that is doing the rounds. I’m pretty sure Hogan will be on top though, he never puts anyone over. That’s a wrestling joke, brother.

Kony is worse than Hitler. The internet has gone shitmental about Joseph Kony recently, a man who has about 300 followers and is dying in a jungle somewhere. The internet has also gone shitmental saying that we need to do something about this terrible war in Uganda, that ended about 6 years ago. But jumping into things without knowing the facts is what the internet is for. Abducting children full stop is a disgusting vile vile thing, that unfortunately happens all over the world. It really is disgusting. Luckily for countries in the middle of Africa however, the white man is on his way to save the day. Will the child soldiers used in Asia get a look in?

Prince Harry. So Prince Harry is in Jamaica and he beat Usain Bolt in a race. He’s in Jamaica to try and diffuse the whispers of the country going for full independence, because we can’t have them ruling themselves now can we? Rumours that Harry was dressed like Van Pelt from Jumanji the entire time are yet to be confirmed.

Sarkozy. Nicholas Sarkozy says there are too many foreigners in France and intends to attempt halve the number of immigrants if re-elected, obviously completely overlooking the fact that his family are ethnic Hungarians who were immigrants themselves.

I’m hungover and don’t want to type this anymore, I just want to play Football Manager.

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