Documental 14: Vice Documentaries (Part 2)

Posted on May 22, 2013


Cannibal Warlords of Liberia
In Britain, the civil war in Liberia tends to get little to no press, unless Naomi Campbell is testifying about her blood diamonds. What is discussed even less is the horrific horrors that horrified all and sundry in this country, ‘Small America’ as it is known. In this docu, the Vice crew head to Liberia to meet some of the warlords who encouraged and took part in cannibalism during the war, and all h0ly hell it is strange. Practically the first clip is someone talking about draining the blood of an innocent child and eating the heart. It doesn’t let up from there. As the documentary goes on, they break General Bin Laden out of jail and go on to meet General Butt Naked, a warlord who fought naked, along with his naked child soldiers. Yes, that is a thing that happened in the world. The places they visit here are freakin’ tough to watch, be it the West Point slum with people pooping on the beach or the brothel inside. Conditions are desperate. As I’ve said at least 8 times, if you say ‘fml’ after waking up with dodgy hair, I completely agree with you. F*ck your life.

Donkey Sex in Colombia
From the terrifying to the ridiculous. And terrifying. Yes, as the title suggests, the team visit a village in Colombia where young boys lose their virginity at a young age to donkeys, and I cannot believe I have typed that sentence. The reasons for the donkey sex are equally insane. Okay, not equally insane, but you get the point. These range from religious reasons, that being that girls wait longer and young boys get blue balls and bone mules. I lost my virginity at 17 (you mean 17 and with the right person? nope, 17) and I don’t remember the years previous being so intense that I felt the need to make love to an animal. There is also the myth that it enlarges the penis, due to some absolutely ridiculous logic. The whole thing is incredibly bizarre. It reaches a plateau with the character Martin, who claims to have slept with over 100 asses. I was hoping there would be no visuals, but good lord, the end does indeed see the aforementioned Martin courting a donkey, all be it thankfully blurred. This is a paragraph I am going to try and block out of my mind. What do the poor donkeys think?

Bride Kidnapping in Kyrgyzstan
I refuse to watch this whole thing, because f*ck you people who kidnap women.


Posted in: Documental