The A to Z of 90’s Premiership Footballers: F is for Ruel Fox

Posted on January 31, 2014

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We all love a winger. Back before the marauding runs of Arjen Robben, Gareth Bale and Stuart Downing, one speed merchant stood head and shoulders above them all, despite only being 5 feet 6 inches. For the record, that is shorter than me, but taller than Yuri Gagarin, so I’d call him of average height. There was nothing average about the ability of the man with that putrid orb at his feet however. The great defenders of the day, your Peter Athertons, Jeff Kennas and Francis Benalis, they didn’t stand a chance. Heck, how could they? Ruel Fox was 168cm of pure dynamite. Fox by name, fucking awesome by nature.

Born in Ipswich, things could only get better for Ruel and get better they did. He terrorised the full backs of the country whilst representing Norwich City, Newcastle and Tottenham without any political violence in sight. I’m slightly ashamed that I made a joke about terrorism whilst talking about Ruel Fox, but there we go. He played for West Brom as well, but building societies don’t count. Playing an incredible 395 games, Fox scored a whopping 49 goals. Whilst this might seem like a small total, Fox was ecstatic to end on it as it was the same amount of goals that his hero Sven Rydell scored for Sweden. It’s also one more than his great rival Hristo Bonev managed for Bulgaria, and a win is a win.

Fox is of Montserratian origin, and has worked as their head coach and lead spy in England. He scoured the country, searching for talented players that could represent Montserrat. He would then woo them with promises of international caps and glory, take them over to the small island before forcing them to work long hours in a cafe. That’s two tasteless jokes about the great man.These days he runs a restaurant in Ipswich. The best restaurant some may say, with the headline of ‘This Ain’t No Gulag, Ruel Don’t Serve No Gruel’.

That’s three tasteless jokes. Poor form.

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Posted in: A to Z, Sport