A Tale of Two Board Games

Posted on March 30, 2014

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Board games are ace. I don’t think I ever really appreciated them as a child, but as the greys have begun to percolate my follicles on my noggin I’ve grown to love them. Of course, it helps that my competitive spirit has only increased with age as well, and there aren’t many things more satisfying than victory, glorious glorious victory. The more ridiculous, the better. So, when Kolin asked if I was interested in joining them to play Taboo last evening, what else was I to say?

Luckily for me, it was Taboo in English. I mean, if we’d been playing in Serbian then I would have done all sorts of failure. I know about 53 words in Serbian, and the vast majority of them are Možda. Or pivo. Or sladoled. Luckily the people I know here are way more intelligent than me, so they all speak fantastic English. In fact, as the game progressed it became pretty clear to me just how clearer they understood my language. Being middle class and Welsh, I only speak one language, but I’m beginning to think that I understand a total of zero languages. I mean, how are you supposed to describe ‘bulb’ without using light or tulip? I tried describing a tumour that was horrible, hoping to instigate the word bulbous, but it became pretty clear that wow that was dumb.

It was boys against girls, because obviously, and it started off pretty tight. The mood was light though, with much laughing and whatnot. However it’s amazing how serious a mindset becomes the deeper into a game you go. We won, but it wasn’t as decisive a victory as I would have liked. I let my team down, without doubt. As the only native speaker there I expected more of myself, but all I provided was a shit tumour reference and embarrassment. I couldn’t even remember the term coronation. Although, in my defence, I’m anti-Royals, so I can at least claim it was some sort of subconscious response to denial of royalty. In conclusion, Taboo is ace, the Royals are not.

But what to do when one board game has ended? Why, play another one of course! The hours had passed, the lights were dimmed, it was time for Betrayal at House on the Hill. That’s right, a horror board game! Our only real issue was that only one of us understood the rules. I’ve played a lot of board games in my life, and I can almost appreciate the idea behind this one, but wow. Board games should never have more than five rules, and most of those should be ‘roll the dice and move spaces’. Betrayal at House on the Hill required you to build the house as you were going along, a facet that I quite liked, and the chance to use hilarious horror movie voices was also great. But I was the child character, and I was quickly stuck in the basement, and nothing made sense, I had a toy airplane that I needed to use to escape but couldn’t get off the ground and why is the world round and what is the meaning of life and oh my god what the hell is going on. We abandoned it fairly swiftly.

We moved onto that game where you write the name of a famous person, stick them on your foreheads and have to try and guess who is planted on your face. The names we had were Frank Zappa, Mary Poppins, Genghis Khan, Pippy Long Stockings and Eddie Murphy. Guess which one I wrote.

Finally, there was a card game where one was the murderer and one was Columbo the detective, and you had to wink at other places in order to murder them. I suck at this too. The Bills family is notorious for being practically unable to wink. It’s difficult for us, because we are all insane obviously. You should see Ffion trying to wink, its genuinely hilarious. The game was still fun mostly because people are awesome and beer is great. Home time had arrived, so we walked home and I stayed up until 5 because I’m an idiot.

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